Sunday, February 19, 2012

Published to drafts

I don't want you to see this , don't want it to let it out

but it doesn't matter this is a thing you'll not care about.

I don't know if I'm doing it wrong and being a fucking idiot all along.

But i'ts like your telling me go somewhere else to where I belong.

Am i being too paranoid  Like the one's taking steroids?

 Is this anxiety untrue like the news on the tabloid?

This sucks! this sucks! This sucks!

Being again a desperate wanna be..

Writing this poem that's considered as trash.

Which will be again published to drafts.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

2 days of being the guy named OLAN'S

Just today we finished our  2-day Senior's retreat that was held in Mater Ecclessiae .

It wasn't bad as I was expecting it to be. It wasn't even boring. Honestly this retreat is the best "spiritual life" activity I have done. This was also my most participated "spiritual life" activity.

Meet the normal people I met in school but in another degree or I must say in a higher level of intimacy.

I've been enlightened a lot and even got a new principle in life because of this event :

" Life isn't about being a worthy man for your life but being a man that makes other's life worthy because of your life."

In general I give two thumbs up to this event..

Way to go Ate Glo our facilitator and our prime entertainer Mr Andrej Valiente aka "Kuya Jobert"!

friends of jude

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

3 Iced tea glasses Straight

Valentines day is a day for lovers to show their love to their loved ones but for us it is the day of our exam of one of hardest subject AI.  But after the exam the mood changed from academics to romance.. it's time to carry out my plan.. a plan to surprise someone I like..before the this day, I already invited her to dinner on the 14th. 


  • The roses that should be purple wasn't done
  • it's raining in the morning, 
  • Shakey's don't permit for reservation that day 
  • it was the last day in accordance to sp defense reservation 

I thought FUCK! A BAD OMEN!

But still I tried to go with my plan.. Rushed in changing the flowers. The flowers now became pink and red.. Went to look for a cute cake in SM with a friend and found one. So basically the first part is already complete.. Now for the second part.. Looked for something cute to write on a letter but failed. Went to my school for ideas then we went to Padangat ,a gift shop, an their we found the final piece the Soccerball.. So with a friend I finalized my plan.. after that he asked me something..

                                        Friend: Anu padi ang gut feeling mo?
                                        Me: Dai ko aram padi
                                       Friend: Mau man kayan padi. Eu o dai man lang yan
                                        Me: didn't answer for a while then I said.. Garu negative padi bahala na

The plan was:

  1. give the roses , cake and first gift in arrupe after her class
  2. eat at Shakey's and there the second phase commences
  3. serve the second gift, the soccer ball with the letter inside it while serving the food
  4. don't allow it to be opened not until you two finished eating
  5. and the most nervous part -- the opening of the box and reading the letter*
*drank three iced tea glasses straight and biting a tissue paper while she was reading it.

At the end of the day the outcome was I think better than expected the series of events also went smoothly. Onin the Shakey's guy crew which I spoke to in the afternoon, "reserved" us seats, the final gift was given at the right time, she liked my letter and even said it was sweet, and ultimately 

I spend the whole evening beside her :)

Hope she really liked my surprises :)

my simple surprise

Carol , tan, mhards, zarah for helping me in my plan

Friday, February 3, 2012

Just three stupid poems

Delusionary Boy

A cold dry breeze touches my face
waking me up from my empty gaze
thought that I was with you
But, again it isn't true.  
For the truth table says you AND i will never be true.
Coz I didn't have the courage to say what I feel for you
since the day I started loving you.

Left out alone, waiting for nothing
just hallucinating that I'm with your being
Hopelessness, restlessness and a lot of sadness
caused by my stupidity and cowardice.
I know this is foolish but what can I do?
this is only the method where I will be with you
And you and I will always be true.

The bell rang, and I have to go.
Leaving  her at my dream land until tomorrow
But don't worry I'll be coming back
Because this is the only thing I can do. Fuck!


Again, an event where you and I are together
but why can't i feel any better.
Yes, you and I are just centimeters apart
but it's like that you were not there from the start

The closer I get to you ,
the farther I realize the distance I need to walk through.
The more hopeless it is, the harder I try.
I'm also asking my self why?

I want to talk to you, but I don't know how
there a lot of things I want to tell to you, but where are they now?
Scumbag brain Why you no cooperate?
Please make my ideas apparate!

Uncertain, the best word that describes
what the things you had in mind.
I don't know! Did you like what I have done?
or you treat it like a trash in a trashcan.

What must I do ! What must I do!
To know what I mean to you
To solve these difficulties
and end these uncertainties. 

The Stone of February

-Not Yet Finished-


Ate lizzie  :)
Ate Karen :)
" You can call it selfish if you want, But "self " is the center of the universe.. Even giving voluntarily to others is " selfish" in a way because you "get" a good feeling in return..."