Im so sorry for being stupid..

I'm so sorry for being stupid..

For asking things that causes you disaster

I'm so sorry for being stupid

For saying words that I always regret later

I'm so sorry for being stupid

For always trying too hard but always ends up to nothing

I'm so sorry for being stupid

That I can't even this poem's ending..



I really just want to be close to you..
 To have something to talk to but I guess I'm good at messing up things.
That I turn something I thought to be good into a very uncomfortable situation to you.
 I'm really sorry for my stupidity..

Why?

Guess I need to make this post just to release my feelings..


I thought things were really doing fine
but I guess I was wrong again for the second time.
Why are you now getting colder?
I thought the only problem was just asking permission from your mother?
I've already came up with an answer..
But I guess there's a different matter.

Is it because I texted you a quote that tells you I like you?
What do you expect me to do?
Or is it because you found another?
That is far much better?
This really makes my heartache..
I guess I should really take a break.

A lot of  speculations, a lot of questions
But still has no conclusion.
What should I do?
Do I need to ask you?
Why are now being colder?
How I wish you would tell me the answer..

untitled

The love story that barely started
seems soon to be ended

Another test of patience, heart and determination

another added two months of depression

I want to say how much I love you ; I want to hug you
I want to touch your face and hold hands together like normal lovers do.
and if my greatest fear happens, these will never come true.
these will just become things I will regret that I didn't do.

Now, I don't know what I must do
because of the agreement you and I agreed to.
dread , desperation and sadness
all the light of hope was devoured by blackness

I'm not sure, I'm confused
I want to believe there still chance , a reason I can use
so that the reality is still the fantasy,
and that the unstable one is its impossibility.

I understand you, but do you understand me too?
I don't want to leave you , even want to support you.
But how can I if you don't permit me to?
Or maybe I'm also at fault here too?

Restlessly waiting for the two months to end
But will patiently wait even if it extends
I'll just be here,waiting for you
For A sun flower will always look for its sun to shine, the sun for me is you!




-- need help in shortening/improving the last stanza especially the last line.. 
--need help in coming up with a title for it

Published to drafts

I don't want you to see this , don't want it to let it out

but it doesn't matter this is a thing you'll not care about.

I don't know if I'm doing it wrong and being a fucking idiot all along.

But i'ts like your telling me go somewhere else to where I belong.

Am i being too paranoid  Like the one's taking steroids?

 Is this anxiety untrue like the news on the tabloid?

This sucks! this sucks! This sucks!

Being again a desperate wanna be..

Writing this poem that's considered as trash.

Which will be again published to drafts.

Just three stupid poems

Delusionary Boy

A cold dry breeze touches my face

waking me up from my empty gaze

thought that I was with you

But, again it isn't true.  

For the truth table says you AND i will never be true.

Coz I didn't have the courage to say what I feel for you

since the day I started loving you.

Left out alone, waiting for nothing

just hallucinating that I'm with your being

Hopelessness, restlessness and a lot of sadness

caused by my stupidity and cowardice.

I know this is foolish but what can I do?

this is only the method where I will be with you

And you and I will always be true.

The bell rang, and I have to go.

Leaving  her at my dream land until tomorrow

But don't worry I'll be coming back

Because this is the only thing I can do. Fuck!

Uncertainties


Again, an event where you and I are together
but why can't i feel any better.
Yes, you and I are just centimeters apart
but it's like that you were not there from the start


The closer I get to you ,
the farther I realize the distance I need to walk through.
The more hopeless it is, the harder I try.
I'm also asking my self why?


I want to talk to you, but I don't know how
there a lot of things I want to tell to you, but where are they now?
Scumbag brain Why you no cooperate?
Please make my ideas apparate!


Uncertain, the best word that describes

what the things you had in mind.

I don't know! Did you like what I have done?

or you treat it like a trash in a trashcan.

What must I do ! What must I do!
To know what I mean to you

To solve these difficulties
and end these uncertainties. 

The Stone of February 

-Not Yet Finished-

Acknowledgements:

Ate lizzie  :)
Ate Karen :)

three sticks of cigarette and a bucket of beer

Quoted from my favorite song of dong abay entitled Senti

"Ok lang sa akin, 

abutin man ng umaga 

lahat ay gagawin, 

para ka lang, mapasaya 

Mahal ka ba niya, talaga?

Ako, 

mahal kita, mahal na mahal 

mahal na mahal 

mahal na mahal 

mahal na mahal 

mahal na mahal 

mahal na mahal 

mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal"

Still intoxicated...

I just got home.. attended the concert of dong abay , a singer, on wharf galley rock cafe with my close friends namely Malean and Reuben. I just had my greatest day ever... with sarcasm...

I'm thinking of what to use whether a poem or just a narrative to describe my day..

The story goes like this:

 A scheduled lunch

A text message containing a bad news

A shitty lie

A scene I wouldn't want to see






An unwanted anger

A bitter ice cream

A place that should have been mine

A pack of cigarettes

A fake laugh

A bucket of beer

A halted momentum




A shattered dream

A day fucked up.

A gloomy evening

           






          A night stranded in a flood caused by a stupid rain..

                    killing time, waiting in vain..

         Mosquitoes flying buzzing and biting

                    hour passed without me knowing

       Eager to talk but no one's there

   

                  just my computer and raindrops everywhere

      Trying to convince that I'm enjoying what am I playing

       

                but what I'm really thinking is what are you now doing

     Hunger strikes causing my stomach to flare

              feeling pain but still doesn't care

    Yearning to tell you the truth seems to be a burden            

 

             Stupid brain stopping all of a sudden..

    Twenty minutes had passed but I'm still waiting

   

           hoping you'd come be back waving..

   

    

     clock strikes nine, its time to go..

          sad that tonight I had to undergo ...

      to a gloomy evening..  

          a night made without you....