Confusion & Frustrations

"Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If i knew my place should i leave it there?..... "




- chasing pavements(ADELE)







I am really confused...




to be continued...

three sticks of cigarette and a bucket of beer

Quoted from my favorite song of dong abay entitled Senti

"Ok lang sa akin, 

abutin man ng umaga 

lahat ay gagawin, 

para ka lang, mapasaya 

Mahal ka ba niya, talaga?

Ako, 

mahal kita, mahal na mahal 

mahal na mahal 

mahal na mahal 

mahal na mahal 

mahal na mahal 

mahal na mahal 

mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal"

Still intoxicated...

I just got home.. attended the concert of dong abay , a singer, on wharf galley rock cafe with my close friends namely Malean and Reuben. I just had my greatest day ever... with sarcasm...

I'm thinking of what to use whether a poem or just a narrative to describe my day..

The story goes like this:

 A scheduled lunch

A text message containing a bad news

A shitty lie

A scene I wouldn't want to see






An unwanted anger

A bitter ice cream

A place that should have been mine

A pack of cigarettes

A fake laugh

A bucket of beer

A halted momentum




A shattered dream

A day fucked up.

A gloomy evening

           






          A night stranded in a flood caused by a stupid rain..

                    killing time, waiting in vain..

         Mosquitoes flying buzzing and biting

                    hour passed without me knowing

       Eager to talk but no one's there

   

                  just my computer and raindrops everywhere

      Trying to convince that I'm enjoying what am I playing

       

                but what I'm really thinking is what are you now doing

     Hunger strikes causing my stomach to flare

              feeling pain but still doesn't care

    Yearning to tell you the truth seems to be a burden            

 

             Stupid brain stopping all of a sudden..

    Twenty minutes had passed but I'm still waiting

   

           hoping you'd come be back waving..

   

    

     clock strikes nine, its time to go..

          sad that tonight I had to undergo ...

      to a gloomy evening..  

          a night made without you....

Torpedo...

Hindi ko alam bakit may mga pinanganak na torpe......

at ang masakit pa isa ako doon...

tae talaga lahat na ng bagay ay umaayon sa plano ko....

ako na lang ung hindi.........

tae talaga.......

pak........










pampalubag loob:

Walang Magawa : Mag Post sa blog ng mga walang kwentang bagay

Katatapos lang ng defense ku kaninang hapon. Successful naman ang kinalabasan kahit halos mamatay ako sa tanong nila buti nalang at ung mga panel ko ang sumasagot ng mga tanong ng bawat isa.Laugh trip nga ung huling kailangan kong irevise eh... PRESENT IN ENGLISH daw wahaha...

Anyways maintenance ng nilalaro kong online game kaya ayan wala nanaman akong magawa. Dapat gumagawa ako ngayon ng program ko sa datacom o kaya gumagawa ng pamatay na 15 page reflection kaso tinatamad pa ako. Kaya  ayun naicip kunalang mag basa basa ng kung anu-ano at napadpad ako sa pag babasa ng blog ng ibang tao..

Medyo matagal na rin pala akong hindi nakakapagblog..Ang dami kunang na miss na ipost dito gaya nung pag away namin ng tatay ko , muling pag kikita kita namin ng Xing & Co, grupo namin magbabarkada, at marami pang iba.

Sa totoo lang wala akong maicip isulat sa blog ko ngayon.. buti nalang pinatugtog ko ung playlist ko sa laptop and ayun may naicip na akong isulat.

Unang kantang tumugtog ay isang kanta ng Parokya ni Edgar. Ewan ko ba pero medyo tinatamaan ako sa ilang kanta nila. Baka ito'y sa kadahilanang mangilan-ngilan dito ang sumasalamin sa aking palpak na lablayp ... haha FAIL!

Lately biglang naging interesado ako sa isang tao.. Sabi nga sa lyrics ng kanta ng Parokya ni Edgar na Minamahal Kita..

                                "Nung una kitang makilala, di man lang kita napuna,
                               Di ka naman kasi ganon kaganda, di ba?
                               Simpleng kabatak, simpleng kabarkada lamang ang tingin ko sa 'yo.
                               Di ko talaga alam kung bakit ako nagkaganito!
                               Ako'y napaisip at biglang napatingin,
                               Di ko malaman kung anong dapat gawin!

                              Dahan-dahang nag-iba ang pagtingin ko sa'yo,
                              Gumanda ka bigla at ang mga kilos mo'y nakakapanibago!
                              Napansin ko na lamang na nalalaglag ang aking puso.
                              Bad trip talaga! Na-i-inlab ako sa'yo!
                              Tuwing kita'y nakikita ako ay napapangiti,
                               Para bang gusto kong halikan ang iyong mga pisngi!"

Bale un na ung summary ng nararamdaman ku ngaun.. (shit nararamadaman baduy haha)..

Ewan ko ba kung talagang nahuhulog na ang loob ko sa kanya o echos lang..Ewan ba.. hai puro nalang ewan..

May mangilan-ngilan na ring ang binahagian ku nito at nakaalam kung sino siya.. sa mga nakakaalam just shut up nalang..

inaantok na ako .. hangang dito nalang ata

Para saan pa ang pag papaalam?

I went home today late or maybe its early na nga because it's alreay 12:30am when i got home. ..

I was surprised because my parents are still up. Upon entering the door my mother greeted me and i went to do "mano" then i went to the kitchen and did the same to my father but after I did the "mano" he asked  " O tanu kananaman nag puling matangaun" in an annoying tone, a tone that is implying that you did not ask permission and with full of doubt etc.. btw what he said in english is  why did you again came home late?. In my mind "huh?" dba I asked permission ryt? I also texted my mother two times where it had the reason and where I will be going 

SO WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ASKING THAT QUESTION WITH THAT TONE ?

 .I forgot to mention everytime I went home late.. even with their permission this always the scenario.. and im tired of it. And this time I went to burst and answered his question back.. buti nalang I gain control of my anger and annoyance. If not i think we will be ending up in a fight.

 My mother heard it and called me and asked me to just understand father .. "nag -aalala lang daw   " yah I understand  but it must be in place.. DUH! The reason on first place why I texted mother that I will go home late is for to eliminate this. BUT AGAIN THIS WASN"T UNDERSTOOD MY FATHER?. or he just dont want to understand this and just want to scold me for whatever reason he had in mind.. Kasi based on my observation walang araw na di nya ako hinanapan ng mali..pramiz. Does it makes you happy when scolding me? 

Anyway I said to my father that I was late because of the greedy tricycle drivers that will not go even though 2 hours has passed until the tricycle is not full. He just said. " E TANU DAI KA NAG TXT?" . Again another dumb question from him.. F@ck cant you see its raining hard ? You'll be riding in a motorcycle so the end product will be me and you being soaked in the rain ryt? .. And again he answered.. "TA NAG PA BANGGI KA KAYA?" dba nag txt nga ako anu ba? alin ba ang hindi mo naiintidihan o you just dont want to understand it?

Kung ganyan na lang din naman hindi na ako mag papaalam .. pareho lang naman dba?

tama na ata to at bakit anu pa masabi ko saiyo.... kung pd STFU nalang :)

The end of days is near...

Before anything else this post isn't about literal end of days or rapture or whatever..

Now to my real post...............




This is my last week here in Makati and thats why it is entitled the end of days ...


BROTHERLY BONDING

Anyway this Sunday I had my weekly bonding with my brother, btw we really dont have a "bonding" time back then maybe meron din but it was just like chit chat and only happens for a few minutes. Weekly we are going somewhere else to unwind and its almost always a mall. This Sunday we went to SM Manila, shopped there. My brother bought me a polo shirt and a patrick star t-shirt..



After our shopping we went to hear mass at a church near SM San Lazarro... My ear hurt when i listened to the sermon of  the priest.








"Nakaranas kana bang mag mahal?"


That was the opening words of the sermon. The gospel is about the event where Jesus is leaving earth and his friends here on earth. I thought first this will be a boring gospel again but the next sentences really irritated me.  The story goes like this:

    The priest told us that he was watching tv when a commercial showed up. The commercial is about Man vs  Dog.. he said a lot of nonsense but to sum it up he is saying that Man is on the level of the dog? and it is absurd. I agree this is fucking absurd because man is a lot lower than those animals and what creature thought of this a MAN right.. meaning if this is absurd then MAN is also absurd.

     The priest went on his sermon about the animals and another set of stupid words coming from him irritated me a lot . The words was "Anu ang kayang gawin ng tao na di kaya ng hayop?" I thought the answer will be

 "being a  moron that  thinks of himself as mighty even though he is lower than a mere worm....."   

but his answer was different.. His answer was.....

              "Hindi nila kayang mag mahal!"

WHAAAATTTTT?????????????????? Did i heard it right? Animals dont know how to love? Is this somekind of jowk or he's really dumb or he has a traumatic experience with  his stuffed animal that almost killed him and that he thought that was a real animal?..

               

              Anyway whatever the reason why he said this...

                                                  are you fucking kidding Me????????       

Don't know how to love..hmm.. Didn't he ever heard the countless stories of the pets saving their  masters? Search the net and you'll find a lot. Didn't he watched the movie Hachiko A Dog Story, from that story could you tell me that A DOG COULD NOT LOVE?, lets say it's not love , its just loyalty or compassion or something or maybe even their instinct, but how can be their loyalty without love same with compassion. and if it is instinct ..meaning the "LOVE" is just like breathing to them right? And one more thing Man said that animals have no intelligence and lets say this is true, but even without the so called "Intelligence" we see from them and even we learn from them a lot of things especially about loyalty , compassion and LOVE.

Im starting to feel a bit lazy so I'll sum up this part.. I just want to point out that Man should not think of himself highly because Man is really not as high as he think he is, sometimes he is even more lower than animals. I believe that Man is not superior than  other creatures because man is not perfect and if they will point out that man has  the so called Intelligence, then why do we live in a crappy world? On the other hand animals using only their instincts are still surviving in this world and is peacefully in balance with nature. 

WALKATON 

Today I had my first day in Makati unwinding only with myself. My usual unwinding method when im only with myself is walking from places to places. Today I went to the malls in Makati.

Im a bit sleepy.. I think thats it...

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